"...float a final layer of dark rum, clouding the glass with its oppressive weight until you can’t see any hope at all."
Five Cocktails for Your Sequester-Watching Party
Posted by Caitlin Kelly in The New Yorker Shouts & Murmurs Daily Blog http://nyr.kr/YHeany
March 1, 2013 :: Throwing a sequester shindig this weekend? Of course you are! But if you want to be the host or hostess with the mostest, be sure your guests are able to drown their frustration in our democracy with these tasty drinks. It’ll make for a night you can’t ever remember (not that you would really want to).
So grab some booze and prepare for the worst!
3 ounces gin
1 tablespoon sugar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon lime juice
Pour club soda into a cocktail shaker and leave it out on the counter for a few hours before your party begins, allowing its optimistic bubbles plenty of time to encounter bureaucratic inertia and lose all their energy as final hour draws ever nearer. Once
the deadline has passed the party begins, add the remaining ingredients to your flat soda and shake vigorously. It won’t jolt any life back into the drink, but at least the gin will go down easier.
1 ice cube
1/4 cup orange juice
4 ounces champagne
After you find out that your child’s Head Start program has been cut back a few hours, calmly place ice cube into an eight-ounce wineglass. Add the orange juice and champagne, then stir while dialing your boss’s phone number. Sip quietly while you renegotiate your work schedule to accommodate one three-year-old and two branches of government who couldn’t get their act together.
Dark and Stormy Forecast
1 tablespoon lime juice
1 ounce golden rum
1/2 ounce dark rum
6 ounces ginger beer
Fill a highball glass with ice cubes. Add lime juice and golden rum, then top off with ginger beer. Enjoy that warm golden color while it lasts, before you float a final layer of dark rum, clouding the glass with its oppressive weight until you can’t see any hope at all.
If you’re looking for party activities, turn on NPR. Instruct everyone to drink whenever the broadcast plays “Stormy Weather” to herald news of further stock-market losses.
The Chu Chu Jäger-Train
1 shot of Jägermeister
1 can of energy drink
This party-pleaser is named after Energy Secretary Steven Chu, who told the Senate Appropriations Committee that sequestration would “degrade the internal oversight function of D.O.E. nuclear facilities.” In that spirit, line up your pint glasses, leaving one empty glass at the end of the “train” like so many empty security posts at nuclear facilities. Balance the shots of Jägermeister on top, each one straddling two glasses, teetering on the brink of ruin. Tip the first shot—the “bomb”—into the vaguely radioactive-looking energy drink below, setting off a chain reaction that will be disastrous—for your sobriety!
Red Whine Sangria
1 bottle of crappy domestic Zinfandel
2 cups lemonade
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons brandy
1 orange, thinly sliced
1 apple, cut into wedges
1/2 pint blackberries
Combine in a large pitcher and let it stand in the refrigerator for hours, leaving all the stupid ingredients in the cold, dark, oxygen-deprived space until they start working together.
Illustration by Jeroen Koolhaas.
I should be worried …but I’m not at all!